I have a tattoo the design of which I love but the placement of which gives me anxiety. :( I don’t know if I should try to get it removed or try and accept that it is there and it’s my fear of other people’s perceptions of me that is giving me anxiety.
As much as tattooing is and has been a booming business, tattoo cover-ups and laser removal are part and parcel of that world. Not all cover-ups have to be about regret or mistakes, and personally, I dislike rhetoric that centers that kind of language. People change, circumstances change, sometimes around factors that are out of our control rather than a reflection of our own judgment (see: my tattoo artist outed himself as a weird racist in 2020 and I don’t want to wear his work anymore). The question then becomes: what do I want to change, and what kind of change is possible?
Only you can know if you want to change something about the tattoo as it stands. Take time to ask some questions and be as honest with yourself as you can be. You could try journaling about the answers over the course of a month and seeing if your feelings shift at all, or if you’re noticing consistency in your relationship to the piece. Some prompts:
· What about the placement gives me anxiety? What does that feel like in my body?
· If I didn’t have to worry about anyone else’s reactions or opinions, how would I feel about the tattoo?
· What kind of perceptions am I most afraid of? Have I encountered them, or is it just a fear I hold onto the possibility of?
· What would my ideal of this piece be? Would I change just the placement? Would I change anything else about it?
You mention that you love the design of the tattoo, and that’s so positive! It may help to remind yourself that you can always ask the person who did the original piece to replicate it somewhere you’d be happier wearing it if that’s what would feel best to you. If I had a client make this request, I’d be thrilled to hear that they liked the piece enough to want to relocate it in order to keep being able to wear it. Hopefully reflecting on the prompts above can help you hone in on what exactly feels off about it and can point you towards some direction when it comes to potential changes.
[Image: a meme of a boy being punishing with loud trumpet playing, text that reads “the world giving me their unsolicited opinions,” and a person holding their ears walking away with text that reads “me trying to appreciate my tattoos privately and in peace.”]
Wearing visible tattoos is always going to involve at least some negotiation with outside judgment or less-than-positive reactions. I think most tattooed people are well aware of this, and have enough confidence in their own preferences and decision making to withstand that kind of response. Ultimately, the most important thing is that YOUR BODY IS YOUR OWN, triple-bolded, all caps most important. That being said, it can wear you down if you’re constantly on the receiving end of attention and opinions you just didn’t ask for. Do I love being told by elderly men that it’s a sin to graffiti God’s creation, aka my own body? Absolutely not. Have I shouted at a man on the street who thought he could grab my arm to look at my tattoo? Certainly yes! Does that make me wish I hadn’t gotten tattoos? Not in the least. I love my tattoos, and they’re a part of me, despite the occasional negative interaction. I remind myself that those people are going to find a way to be like that regardless of whether I have tattoos or not-- creeps are creeps, and that elderly man probably wouldn’t like that I’m gay either. Ultimately, whatever you choose to do about your tattoo, I hope you can make that choice based on your own needs and desires.
A little bit of information about tattoo removal:
Laser tattoo removal, or tattoo lightening, is a process in which stages of laser treatments are applied to an existing tattoo to break down the ink so your body can “remove” the tattoo itself through its natural healing and immune responses. Both processes typically take multiple rounds of treatments 10-12 weeks apart, with the lightening process continuing after the initial healing (this is why it’s recommended to wait 6 months to a year after getting laser removal before putting a new tattoo over the area). With laser removal, the existing tattoo is faded as much as possible to get back to “blank skin.” With tattoo lightening, the existing piece is lightened enough to put a new piece over it.
From Clean Canvas More Art:
When you get a tattoo, the ink goes into the second layer of your skin. The ink particles are much larger than your blood cells, which prevents your skin from naturally healing and 'removing' the tattoo. Our laser tattoo removal process involves using a laser to break the ink particles into small enough pieces for your body to naturally eliminate.
I’ve lightened a tattoo on my wrist that was embarrassing, culturally appropriative, and highly visible. It was painful, frankly gross (blisters were involved), and took a long time, but it was absolutely worth it to have something I like looking at and don’t feel self-conscious about. I’m not rushing to repeat the process-- even though I have some tattoos I’d love to replace with new ones that are more aligned with my taste-- but I’m glad I’m familiar with the experience firsthand and feel less daunted about repeating it if and when I’m ready.
Lastly, there are other approaches you can take with adding to or accentuating a tattoo to change what you don’t like about it. Sometimes a design can create awkward negative spaces around it or end up looking off-center or out of place. In some cases adding more around it can actually solve the problem without removal OR a cover up. If you have a tattoo artist that you trust, they can be a helpful ally in consulting about potential options. This may or may not apply to your tattoo, but it’s worth adding to the list of options! Wishing you luck, and I hope whatever you end up doing (or not doing) makes you feel good in your body.
[Image: a meme of Bugs Bunny in a tuxedo looking smug, with text that reads “I wish all author of this question a very peaceful relationship with their tattoo no matter what they decide.”]
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My book, Could This Be Magic? Tattooing as Liberation Work is available via Afterlife Press.